This week was my Dad's 87th Birthday. Or was it his 90th. Or his 93rd?
Other than December 6, 1928 (which is pretty mch his answer to almost everything these days) he really doesn't remember much. So although my memory might not be that great some days either, I am going to help him out by jotting down some of my favorite memories of him. I know that the day will come soon enough that I will be saying goodbye and I will only have my memories to look back on.
I opened my Blog site today to write about goodbyes. I found the above entry I had started to write last December. Wow.
Goodbyes and memories. I'm thinking I don't like either of them much anymore. You can't say goodbye to someone and not have memories. And you can't have memories with someone and it be easy when it comes time to say goodbye. Those memories are precious, and will forever and always be a part of who you are.
Having the memories from someone you've lost are a blessing and a curse. Sometimes they sneak up on you when you least expect it and they knock the wind right out of you. Other times, they are the only thing that keep you going through the days. I'm struggling today with that feeling of having the wind knocked out of me.
When Dad died, I think I handled it pretty well. I don't know if I ever really said goodbye to him, but whether you say goodbye or not, when a person you love leaves, they take a little bit of your heart with them. Maybe that's why God allows the memories to stay with you. To fill that place that's missing in your heart. It just doesn't fit back together ever again quite right. Maybe that's why losing someone literally does break your heart in a way that can never be fixed.
Always
