My loves. My life. My reasons for doing practically everything I do and have done in my life. My kids. Thank you for making me a Mom. I love you more than you will ever know.
This "season" of my life, some might say, is a selfish one. One that has nothing to do with my family and all to do with me. Yes, I'm doing something I've always wanted to do. Something that takes me away sometimes on special occasions. But selfish? No. Anything but. Everything I do, every decision I make, I have the 4 of you in the back of my mind.
I'm getting off track here. Obviously I don't know what writing blogs is about. You can tell that since I only write maybe once or twice a year. I just wanted to tell each of my kids something this Mothers Day.
Crystal. First, let me apologize for being such a bad mom when you were a baby. I had NO idea what I was doing, and I simply couldn't handle it. I was young and overwhelmed and thankfully, with the help of my Mom, and a wonderful babysitter (Weesie) you made it. I can't take any credit for you making it those first few years. When you were in middle school, I never thought I'd see you in anything but camo. I had to bite my tongue, and by the time you were in high school, wow! What a beauty you were. But you were (and are) so independent and strong, I don't think you ever really needed me to help you in any way. I was just there in case.... Just so you know, I still am, and I always will be. You will always be my strong, independent, girl who isn't afraid to stand up for what she believes in. I wish I had half your bravery. You continue to teach me things all the time. Both tangible and intangible. I love you.
Lyndsey. I have to apologize to you too. Although I knew a little better what to expect when you were born, I still didn't quite have it together. It was tough. Looking back, I'm sure it was what they now call post-partum depression. (what an awful term, right?) I thought then it was because of separating from your dad and stuff, and that I was just a bad Mom. But oh, how I loved you and your sister. I just didn't think I knew what to do with you both sometimes. Again, I'm so grateful I had two wonderful women who helped me get through that first year especially. When you got in to Middle School and then in to High School, I realized how much trouble I was in for. You were (and are) just like me. You were stubborn, you pushed the limits, and you were sneaky. Boy did we have some yelling matches. I saw so much of myself in you it was like looking in a mirror. Your Senior year was probably the hardest year of all. I'm sure for both of us. But you have no idea how much my heart was breaking. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around you and to just let you have what your hearts desires were at that time. Oh, how thankful I am how things turned out. Not that the road was without it's bumps and detours after that, but look at you now. You are such an amazing Mom. Your boys are so lucky they have you. God couldn't have given them anyone better. I'm so proud of you, and I only hope that some parts of you are still just like me. Or that I'm just like you. I love you.
Christopher. No apologies. I was much better by the time you came along. Not that I didn't make mistakes. I made plenty. You were a pretty good baby. Pretty average. I have to say, you were pretty easy through Elementary, Middle School, and even High School. You were far from perfect, but you were pretty easy. I'm so thankful you were smart enough to do your schoolwork on your own! And got it done, too. And hockey. So many good friendships that gave you. There were years during and after tryouts that I think were the toughest for me as a Mom. Oh how I wanted you to always make the team you wanted to be on. But, you (we) always ended up being on the team you were supposed to be on. I hope you appreciate those years as much as I do. I think you do. I hope you know through anything I'll be there for you. Three Summers ago when I got that phone call from you, all I wanted to do was make sure you were ok and make sure you knew things would be ok. And, look at you now. I know you wouldn't trade what you have now for anything in the world. It hasn't been the easy road you've taken, but you've managed it so amazingly, and so maturely, that sometimes I just don't know how you do it. I hope you know how proud of you we are. And I hope you know we are always here for you. I love you.
Gregory. My baby. My surprise. After 20 years, I guess I should tell you that to me, you really weren't a surprise. I really did want another baby. I might have wanted a girl, but...... Yep. Whatever people may think, you were not a surprise. Take what you want from that. You were such a joy. From the moment I brought you home. You were such an easy baby. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I knew you were going to be the last one. I just enjoyed you. With you too, just like your brother, you were pretty easy through school. Other than having to make sure you stayed on top of your homework. I think you were and are just too smart. We had our issues a bit through high school. Choices were made, and lines were drawn (and crossed) many times. That whole "three strikes" thing turned in to something more like "nine lives" for you. I'm hoping and praying you learned from some of them and as you make your way now through college, you remember some of the things we said. Maybe not ready to debate so much anymore. Just listen, think about it, let it sink in, then make your decisions for your life. I'm so excited to see what these next few years hold for you. You have such a tender heart. I like to think you got that from me. You are so smart. I know you didn't get that from me. Amaze me Gregory! I know you will. I love you.
There are so many things I'd do different, but so many things I'd do the same. I love the four of you so much. Thank you for making me a Mom.
Happy Mothers Day to me.
