65 Years of Love

What does 65 years of marriage look like?

Today is my Mom and Dad's 65th Wedding Anniversary.  They were married September 24, 1950.  Two weeks after they were married my Dad left for the Korean War.  My Mom only saw him two more times during that first two years of marriage.  They wrote to each other ever day during those two years.  After he returned home, they lived in Julesburg, CO for a couple of years before moving to Denver.  They haven't been separated for more than a couple of days apart from each other, ever, since those first two years.  

He doesn't remember this part of their story anymore.

This week, my mom is trying to make the difficult decision whether it's time to have my Dad go into an Assisted Living Memory Care Center.  My Mom is an amazing woman. A true warrior.  She has been the caregiver for my Dad since his Alzheimer's diagnosis over 5 years ago.  24/7 she is with him, caring for him, and loving him.  Some days she believes he knows her as his wife, but EVERY morning when she wakes him up, he tells her "Your the most beautiful woman in the whole world" before giving her a hug and a kiss.  Some days are good, and a few days are bad, but they always have each other.

This transition is not going to be easy.  First of all, it is quite the process to even make anything happen.  Our heads are spinning with so many questions. Where? How? When?  Where is the right place for him?  Will he be angry at Mom for taking him somewhere and leaving him there?  Will it make it harder on him if she visits and then leaves?  Will he know her when she visits?  Will he think someone else is his wife?  How will we afford it?  How long will this last before the Lord takes him Home?  Can it really get any worse?  Is this really the right time?  

I think it's like with anything.  If you wait until you think it's the right time, you will never move forward. We know in our brains that it's time, but our hearts are having a hard time with the decision.  I believe there will be sort of a mourning process.  Once he moves out of their home, things will never be the same.  There will be a loss.  Mom will be alone.  (even if she moves in with us kids)  Of course we can go visit, and we will,  but things will be different.  I want to believe, though, that things will only be different, difficult, and a feeling of loss for us at home, and not for Dad.  I want to believe that Dad will settle in and be at home wherever he is.  I want to believe that he will be as happy where he ends up, as he is now.  I want to believe that he will still think that he is "in the military", and still "taking care of his Broncos".  I want to believe that he will always somehow know that "the most beautiful woman in the whole world" will always be there for him, and that she loves him more today than she did on the day they were married 65 years ago. 

That Mom

Yes, I'm "That Mom".  I've found myself telling that to people numerous times through the years.
I feel like I was always That Mom. 
No judgments, right?  
I'm That Mom who divorced while her two baby girls were under 3 years old.  Never looked back.
I'm That Mom who has four children with two different last names.  Names don't mean a thing.
I was That Mom who bottle fed her babies.  We still bonded, and they all built up great immunities.  
I was That Mom who dressed her girls alike until they were old enough to fight me about it.  They both have great fashion sense today.  
I'm That Mom who made sure her children were going to have a "great day" before I let them out of the car for school every morning.  They know what I'm talking about.  
I'm That Mom who was half way home from church when I realized I left my pre-school aged son at church in his Sunday School room.  I turned around to go get him.  He wasn't crying, and he wasn't the last one to be picked up. 
I'm That Mom who watches Soap Operas during the afternoons.  Some day my children, and my grandchildren will tell their children about watching them with me.  Just like I do.
I'm That Mom who thought her child was better than yours.  I hope I taught them to live, win, and lose with humility.
I'm That Mom who knew her child wasn't as good as yours.  I hope I taught them to live, win, and lose, with grace and a smile.
I'm That Mom who couldn't wait for hockey season to end every year.  But I was always the first to know when tryouts were going to be for the next season to start too. 
I'm That Mom who couldn't wait for school to start every year because I was tired of having "bored" children hanging around the house.  But I also was your biggest supporter when it came to sticking up for you with your teachers and listening to your problems with your friends. 
I'm That Mom who absolutely forbid her daughter to date a boy she was dating.  Turns out, I was right.
I'm That Mom who couldn't wait for her children to all be out of the house and have an "empty nest".  However, while I was smiling each time one walked out the door for the last time, I was crying when the door closed. 
I'm That Mom who have had children take imperfect situations and make them in to blessings. Thank you God. 
I'm That Mom who doesn't have perfect children.  Sometimes, they get in trouble, they make wrong decisions, and they screw up.  
I'm That Mom who will love her children through anything and no matter what. 
I'm That Mom who will always be here for them and who always has an ear to listen when they have sorrows or happiness.
I'm That Mom who can't wait to see what the future holds for all of them.  
My first born - The independent one.  I'm That Mom who knows she not really so independent.
My second born - The stubborn one.  I'm That Mom who knows she is most like me.
My third born - The one with the tender heart.  I'm That Mom who knows he is tough on the outside, but a softy on the inside.
My youngest - The great debater.  I'm That Mom who knows that some day, he'll know that he didn't win all of the debates he thought he did.
I'm That Mom who worries about her children every day.  I pray they will make good decisions.  I pray they will get caught when they don't.  I cry for them.  I laugh with them.  I pray for their successes and their future. They are my greatest joys, my greatest sorrows, my greatest stress, my greatest relief.  
Yes, I'm "That Mom".  I might not have always made the right decisions, or disciplined the right way.  I'm far from perfect, but I'll always be That Mom.  Their Mom.

The Hockey Bond

This weekend will be the last weekend  I will get to watch my youngest son’s last hockey games with Littleton Hockey.  Between both my boys, I have watched hundreds of games, driven to and from thousands of practices, traveled to many states for tournaments, and volunteered many hours of time in support of their love of this sport.  (MY love of this sport)

When I married my husband, I knew nothing of this sport called hockey.  I quickly learned, though.   He was a hockey coach, and he gave me a rule book to read so I would know what was going on during games he was coaching.  I knew if we had boys that they would play the game.  And they did.  Our first son started skating when he was 3 years old.  When our youngest came along, he followed suit.

I’ve watched them learn to skate forward, learn to skate backwards, learn to shoot, learn to score, and  I’ve watched them try to play goalie.  (I’m so thankful that didn’t stick for either of them.  Goalie parents are special, and I’m not that kind of special.)I watched as they made up their “cely”.  I watched them fall down and get back up.  From their earliest age skating, I told them “If something isn’t broken, then don’t stay down on the ice.”  I might have sounded pretty tough and mean, but you can bet that if they went down on the ice, I was the one that was holding my breath and praying that they were okay.

I watched as they went through all of their tryouts.  Hockey tryouts are not a “everybody gets a ribbon” kind of tryout.  There were many years of disappointments when I watched as they learned they didn’t make the team they wanted to be on, or maybe didn’t get on the same team that their friends were on.  But, there were also those years that those “disappointments” turned out to be some of the best years they had playing hockey!

They both learned to work with many different Coaches.  Some they liked.  (Hopefully their Dad was one of those.) Some weren’t their favorites.  But, each Coach taught them something new whether it was a hockey skill, or just how to deal with different personalities.  They learned to respect.  I’m so proud of the young men hockey has helped shape my boys in to.

When the games were close ones, I had a hard time sitting in the stands and watching.  I would usually go somewhere that I could see when our team would have the puck, and I could pace when the other team would have the puck.  However, I always knew what was going on with the game, and especially if my boys were on the ice.  I was so proud to watch them play as hard as they could.  I was so proud when they scored or when they gave the biggest check.  No, there won’t be games every weekend.  But there will be College Club games.  There will be Beer Leagues. I will still be nervous during the close games.   I will still hold my breath if they fall. 

They have made friendships that they will have forever.  (I have made friendships that I will have forever.)  They will all be going their separate ways once the Season is over.  Some will head off to college, some will play Juniors, some will be working, and some we might even see in the NHL someday.  But there will always be a bond.  The hockey bond.

All the wonderful memories made.  Out of State tournaments-Wishing we were somewhere warm, but ending up in ND or MN.  Tournaments on holidays-Thanksgiving dinners in hotels, being ready to travel right after celebrating Christmas.  Tailgate parties in the rink parking lots- Margaritas from our trunks and sneaking them in to the ice rinks in our water bottles.  Happy Hour, Happy Hour, Happy Hour-whether celebrating a win, a loss, or waiting for a game to begin.  And then there are my friends.   Wonderful friends.  I’ve been to school graduations, weddings, and funerals.  There are some I will see on a regular basis, and some I may never see again.  But I know, if I do run in to them again, we will have the bond.  The hockey bond.

There were a few years I think I counted down the months until this day would come.  But now it’s here, and I am sad.  Sad that this year, I have missed quite a few of his games.  Maybe it was God’s way of weaning me away from it.  Maybe He knew it would be too hard for me to miss it all “cold turkey”.  Well, time will tell.