Fall can be a very depressing Season. It's cold outside so it's easy to just stay in and be by myself. It gets dark so early by the time I'm ready to fix dinner, sometimes I feel like I just want to go to bed.
These last couple of weeks have been like that for me. I don't know if it's necessarily depression, but maybe discouragement or just plain feeling sorry for myself.
Car issues have plagued us these last few weeks non stop. It's been one thing after another. It seems like just when you start to dig out, something happens to make you fall in the hole again. I have to keep reminding myself to be thankful that we had the shovel to dig out in the first place.
I've also learned the difference between real friendships and those friends who are really those who are more likely to come and go in my life. (Has it really taken me this long to learn this?) It's very hard for women my age to find and keep good friendships! I try very hard to be present in my conversations and my time with my friends. Even my good friends from my past - I can remember things we did or talked about. It is very hurtful to me when I see someone who I thought I was good friends with and they can't even remember something pretty basic about me. Also, when someone asks a question, and before I can even finish my answer, they have already moved on to something else. Why ask me to begin with? I am so thankful for the friend I have had for (it seems like forever) a long time and who listens to me as well as knows I will listen to her. I wish for my daughters to have a friendship like that! Two great lessons I would love for all four of my kids to learn and live are: To have a friend, you have to be a friend. Also, when talking to someone, do not take your eyes off their eyes. It shows you are interested in what they are saying, and it makes you pay attention to them.
It's been hard the last couple of weeks at the gym as well. I've been training for over 3 months. (and training pretty hard) There are SO many things that can get me down at the gym! I see my body changing, but when will anyone else? Are my goals realistic? I try not to compare myself with the younger gals, but that is so hard! Today was leg day and I'm not sure if I've over trained or have an injury, but it was not a good training day. It's left me wondering if I am going to make it another 5 months! I wasn't sure how I was going to finish my workout. I tried the elliptical but that was even too much. So, I went into the basketball court and spent 10 minutes shooting (and making) baskets. It was something I loved to do when I was young that my Dad taught me. Although it didn't make my knee feel better, it certainly shook me out of my discouragement. It wasn't the 20 minutes I was supposed to do, but that 10 minutes was a great finish for my workout.
Yes, this Season of Fall can be a very discouraging one for me if I let it be. Finances, lonliness, health, aging... All I can do is shake myself out of it and be thankful for what I do have and for the friendships that I do have. I will also keep working towards my goals, even if I have to take it a bit slower - It's not over until I've won!
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